One Thing That Scares Me

I have been in quite of a funk lately and I have decided that while it absolutely scares me to keep a journal of sorts, it might be exactly what I need to do. So I am going to blog to let the important and/or favorite people in my life (you know who you are) hold me accountable because I can not seem to hold myself accountable..... I really do not know where to start. Should I start with why I need to do this for myself or should I start with the results that I am hoping to attain? Let’s start with one of my favorite quotes of all time (yes, it used to be painted on the wall of my room at Blue Oak Gulch).....

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately,...and not, when I came to die, discover that I have not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau

So, lately I have been so frustrated with myself because I am doing the opposite of living deliberately. I have been letting life beat me up, I have gotten used to being a victim and have become increasingly sick of my life as a result. Obviously none of this is healthy. Recently I remember thinking that someone else could use my life and make so much more of it than I am. I am young, educated, living in LA, with a decent job, and yet I have no ambition, no goals and feel mentally, emotionally and physically drained all of the time. This is ridiculous. There are people in the world that do not have food, home, or future and I am complaining because I just do not feel like I have any passion for anything in life. What am I expecting? Am I expecting someone to show up one day and offer me a menu of all the passions in life and let me pick out a new one? Am I waiting on someone to share their passion with me and just adopt it for my own? I have to be honest, I do not know how I will find a passion in life or rediscover my old passions, but I do know that they will not find me if I am spending every weekend in bed and hiding from life.

Here are some of my goals for beginning a new life of living deliberately:
1. Keep this blog to help keep myself accountable and to let my people keep me accountable when I lose sight of my goals.
2. Do one thing everyday that scares me. (The scary thing for today is writing all this down and letting other people hold me accountable.)
3. Exercise.
4. Focus on paying off my debts by eliminating unnecessary expenditures.
5. Find a new career or at least satisfaction in the current career.
6. Start giving back by volunteering somewhere.
7. Catch up on current world affairs and finally take the Foreign Service Exam.
8. Every week make progress on my “101 Things to do Before I Die” list.

To wrap up this first post, I would like to give a shout out to my niece Pearl who had her 2nd Birthday today. I love you, Pearly Girly and I wish I could see you everyday!