Choices

In the recent past (ok, sometime in the last five years) a friend was explaining to me how he had come to make some of the bigger choices in his life. He said something that I think of often. He had come to a place in his life that he realized he did not want to be. To rectify the situation, he thought back to a time in his life when he liked who he was and reevaluated who he was at that time. Scrutinized the priorities he had then and began to make adjustments in his current situation.

It made me wonder. At which point in my life have I liked myself the best? And does that time correspond with a time when I was happiest? I quite envy my friend who made it sound so simple. As though he looked through a photo album, selected a point in his life of which he was the most proud, and decided to recreated the priorities he had then. Seems so cut and dried.

I have another acquaintance who seems quite the opposite. He loathes himself. And he can not find a way out. He does not like who he is or the choices he makes. He despises himself for hurting people that care about him, but he makes no effort to curb the careless behavior. He thinks he is past saving.

I am not sure when I liked myself best, or if that self is in my future. I am not sure I will ever be able to see it as clearly as the former friend. I am sure that I want to be aware of the choices that I make so that I never even come close to resembling the self-proclaimed miserable existence of the latter friend.